It is safe to say that I have let this blog slip to the wayside recently (read: the past six months). In fact, it never has really taken off since its inception. Perusing Perugia chronicled every detail at length of my time in Italia, and after being back for the school year at Clemson, I decided to start this blog. I noticed times during those semesters where I would have a concept that I would have run away with sitting on a train back from Milan, spent three days straight writing, and trekking to school to upload it. I still get those epiphany moments, quite often actually, but the motivation has never been there to sit down and write. Topics sat on a list ignored, and instead of a documentation of my life I am left with a collection of random accounts where passion to write or the spur of the moment overcame the desire to do something else. After a period of time, it just seemed overwhelming to jump back into it. Perusing Perugia is such a detailed account of my trip, I can look back at it and relive almost any point of my study abroad experience - and on many nostalgia-filled occasions, I have done just that. So where do I pick up from, when I have never really left off from a point at all? I guess I just jump right into it. I hope to make a few different installments, to keep this from being a marathon post and ease myself back into the blogosphere.
To set the scene, my senior year forced me to deal with the confronting reality that in the highly competitive world of sports marketing, I was about to graduate with a Sports Marketing degree and no prospects of getting a job with it. This post will allude to my thought process that shaped my life plan for my senior year. After not being accepted to the summer program at UGA, I was staring down the prospects of what I would do for the time between graduation and starting a program in the fall or January. I ended up making a last ditch effort, applying to a load of internships through March and early April in whatever positions in sports I could feasibly meet the requirements for, mainly through the league websites of the NHL and MLS. Nothing I had really studied in school, but anywhere to try to get my foot in the door. I did not hear back from the majority of them, and the rest I got a generic "thanks for your interest" response. Now I was really up a creek, about to graduate and with no prospects of a full-time job, part-time job, or internship, and only a hope to be accepted into further studies within nine months.
Studying for my last undergraduate final in the library with Adair, I mindlessly checked my email around midnight to distract myself temporarily. I was completely unprepared for what was waiting in my often unchecked GMail account. It was an email from my childhood soccer team, D.C. United, looking to interview me for a sponsorship internship, the next day at 11:00 AM. Evidently, at the time I was applying for internships, this particular one was not posted - I had applied to the only D.C. United internship I could fine, a Community Relations position, but it was really not a position that I had any experience with or business being hired for. Luckily for me, the director of CR passed my application along for the sponsorship position - which falls directly into sports marketing and what I had studied at Clemson.
Sharing the news, I had a minor freak out and my mind started racing in all different directions. Adair had to assure me that it would absolutely be a phone interview, and I would not have to get myself to D.C. in less than 12 hours. I abandoned my studying for my Social Psych final and started preparing for my interview. It went unbelievably better than I expected it to, and less than a week later, I had been offered and accepted the position as a Sponsorship Intern with Corporate Partnerships at D.C. United. (I also handily got an A on my final, so no loss there.) Suddenly within a week, my 'what are you doing after graduation' answer shifted from an unsure "I'm looking at going to grad school at Michigan State or Texas at Arlington, but they don't start until January" to a confident "I will be interning at D.C. United, a team I have loved since I was 6 years old." It has been such a blessing to see the culmination of my college career culminate in an experience such as this, from the waning moments of a senior year filled with such self-doubt, realization, and alternate life plans. To go from uncertainty and near despair to pure joy and unadulterated hope...the same feeling that makes us love sports and keep coming back for more...the feeling of elation when your team scores the crucial goal in extra time. I leave you with this visual metaphor:
Landon Donovan Goal vs. Algeria
In an effort to not do this story a disservice, I have decided to slowly catch you up to speed on my adventures so far this summer. I hope to keep the updates coming more regularly from here on out, so look out for them!
Showing posts with label Life Updates. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life Updates. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Train Derailing
Perhaps it is a result of never having an actual direction or purpose for this blog, but it seems I have let it slip to the wayside again - certainly not for a lack of time, but definitely a lack of motivation. I have a list of topics that once inspired me to blog about, but even when starting on some of those, I never completely finished it and just abandoned the post altogether. Keeping in mind that my last post was the first few days of October and this is coming at the tail end of December, I have managed to post about one blog a month and completely skipped November. I just do not want to write about the mundane, and I have not had any overarching concepts or issues that I was struggling with that I felt compelled to hammer out in writing.
By the end of last semester, a complete sense of apathy and lack of motivation had set over me. I slept a lot more, spent a hell of a lot less time in the library, slacked on my reading, and put some things to the wayside. And the backlash for it? I had already exempted my Management Final, and I knew I had a final paper due in the last week of class for Macromarketing. I crammed for one exam by reading all of the chapters the day before and staying up late studying with friends, and I ended up getting a 100% but had to take the final despite having 151/150 points because I had a missed an A by one question on my first exam. In my Promotional Strategy, I abandoned half the reading and got an even higher A than I had on the previous exams, exempting that final. Sports Law was never graded very harshly, although I enjoyed it greatly and always kept up with the case study readings. I kept my motivation up for that class regardless, and shined through class discussion. The take home final was relatively simple, and I just took it to campus on a Sunday and worked through the afternoon on Cooper's back porch on a lovely day and finished it up over Buffalo Chicken Wraps in Hendy. At the end of the semester, I had my second straight 4.0 on much less effort. Is this real life?
I have probably watched more Netflix and played more Playstation through the end of the semester than I had in my previous three years at college combined. Now at home, I am keeping up that mindset without the school work - sleeping in, dusting off the old Age of Empires II and III, getting my ESPN kick with cable, watching Bowl Games, family time, a solid Christmas. The attitude remains more or less the same. I know the run will come to an end: the train is derailing. I am only taking 12 credits in my last semester and have a very simple schedule, but my German Lit class is sure to take up a ton of time through reading, re-reading, paper writing, and all auf Deutsch. It's been a solid year since I have had an academic German class, and two years since that has involved heavy doses of literature. I am sure to be rusty.
Even if my last semester proves to be a similar workload as this previous semester, the change is going to come regardless. I will graduate in May, and the ride will be over. I have hashed out previously my future plans, and the only real update to that is that I had a moment of clarity to actually grind through the application process and try to meet that for this coming Summer, even though the Michigan State program would not be until January 2014. I feel like this will push me through the decision making process, because I am definitely terrible at making decisions. I have not worked out how I would make the transition from graduating from Clemson in May to moving stuff back to Michigan to turning around and starting up grad school in June in Georgia or Texas logistically or financially yet, but that would be worked out if it needed to be. Issues out of my hands and the possibility of having an extra nine months to work them out is crippling to my decisive actions, and I do not want to decide where I go to grad school because one school started later than the others. At this point I think it makes more sense to apply to all of them and not go into the process having a set 1-2-3 ranking. That way I can factor in things like turnaround time, finances, prestige, program specifics and faculty and just worry about the pros/cons of each instead of trying to pick out a top program.
So that is where I stand. Not going to attempt to sum up the months I have not been blogging, but I think this is an accurate portrayal of where I am in life right now. I am not sure where this coasting attitude has come from or what specifically has set it off, but I just get the feeling that if this train is not derailing now, it certainly will soon. Whether that apathy continues to spread to my blogging, well, I guess the future posts or lack thereof above this one will tell.
By the end of last semester, a complete sense of apathy and lack of motivation had set over me. I slept a lot more, spent a hell of a lot less time in the library, slacked on my reading, and put some things to the wayside. And the backlash for it? I had already exempted my Management Final, and I knew I had a final paper due in the last week of class for Macromarketing. I crammed for one exam by reading all of the chapters the day before and staying up late studying with friends, and I ended up getting a 100% but had to take the final despite having 151/150 points because I had a missed an A by one question on my first exam. In my Promotional Strategy, I abandoned half the reading and got an even higher A than I had on the previous exams, exempting that final. Sports Law was never graded very harshly, although I enjoyed it greatly and always kept up with the case study readings. I kept my motivation up for that class regardless, and shined through class discussion. The take home final was relatively simple, and I just took it to campus on a Sunday and worked through the afternoon on Cooper's back porch on a lovely day and finished it up over Buffalo Chicken Wraps in Hendy. At the end of the semester, I had my second straight 4.0 on much less effort. Is this real life?
I have probably watched more Netflix and played more Playstation through the end of the semester than I had in my previous three years at college combined. Now at home, I am keeping up that mindset without the school work - sleeping in, dusting off the old Age of Empires II and III, getting my ESPN kick with cable, watching Bowl Games, family time, a solid Christmas. The attitude remains more or less the same. I know the run will come to an end: the train is derailing. I am only taking 12 credits in my last semester and have a very simple schedule, but my German Lit class is sure to take up a ton of time through reading, re-reading, paper writing, and all auf Deutsch. It's been a solid year since I have had an academic German class, and two years since that has involved heavy doses of literature. I am sure to be rusty.
Even if my last semester proves to be a similar workload as this previous semester, the change is going to come regardless. I will graduate in May, and the ride will be over. I have hashed out previously my future plans, and the only real update to that is that I had a moment of clarity to actually grind through the application process and try to meet that for this coming Summer, even though the Michigan State program would not be until January 2014. I feel like this will push me through the decision making process, because I am definitely terrible at making decisions. I have not worked out how I would make the transition from graduating from Clemson in May to moving stuff back to Michigan to turning around and starting up grad school in June in Georgia or Texas logistically or financially yet, but that would be worked out if it needed to be. Issues out of my hands and the possibility of having an extra nine months to work them out is crippling to my decisive actions, and I do not want to decide where I go to grad school because one school started later than the others. At this point I think it makes more sense to apply to all of them and not go into the process having a set 1-2-3 ranking. That way I can factor in things like turnaround time, finances, prestige, program specifics and faculty and just worry about the pros/cons of each instead of trying to pick out a top program.
So that is where I stand. Not going to attempt to sum up the months I have not been blogging, but I think this is an accurate portrayal of where I am in life right now. I am not sure where this coasting attitude has come from or what specifically has set it off, but I just get the feeling that if this train is not derailing now, it certainly will soon. Whether that apathy continues to spread to my blogging, well, I guess the future posts or lack thereof above this one will tell.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Changing Life Plans
Not long ago I posted about where I could be one year from now/how up in the air the possibilities were. Recently a crazy idea has crept into the back of my mind, and it is beginning to take shape - what if I went to Grad School? Now, there are a lot of reasons why this idea has popped into my head: Greg getting ready to take his GRE and researching Architecture Grad Schools, Josh recently getting accepted into MUSC for Med School, my Macromarketing professor emphasizing the decreasing value of a college education and recommending graduate school to all of us, going to the Career Fair and only seeing entry level sales jobs or management trainee programs, increasing doubt about pursuing Sports Marketing as a career. There are most likely even more reasons I could list off if I really dove into it. As I've mentioned, I've enjoyed and had success in my statistics courses and have considered Market Research as an alternative if Sports Marketing does not work out.
Perhaps it's natural to have cold feet about my path, and it's certainly not the first time I've considered a change or come up with some crazy scheme of what I could do with my life - switching majors to Psychology and interning/studying abroad in Germany during my senior year come to mind. In reality, I came to Clemson as a Management major (I had applied to schools thinking Business Administration in high school), without a real thorough idea of what I wanted to do. It became quickly clear to me that Management was not the way to go - I went through the Pre-Business class Business 101 searching for answers. It finally came on the last day of class: one speaker on the panel was talking to us about his career in Sports Marketing. I don't recall his name, his actual job title, or even who he worked with. I just remember being enthralled with the idea.
I have always loved sports, and here I was pursuing a business degree at a school that offered a business degree related to sports. As a freshmen, it was easy to fantasize about what could be - as a senior, it has become a lot less idealistic. In all actuality, my degree will be in Marketing, with a specialization in Sports Marketing. I could walk into my adviser's office tomorrow and change to Services Marketing, and it would not change my curriculum one bit. I've taken all the required classes for a general marketing degree plus Sports Marketing, and it's been up to me to choose the additional support courses. There are only four Marketing specializations, and Sports Marketing is overwhelmingly the most popular. A lot of people love sports, but how many jobs are realistically out there? How many others have the same vision I had, just within my own school, and what have I done to set myself apart from them? Obviously I've taken all the sports related marketing classes that are offered, but I've also tried to pursue a well-rounded array of marketing/business classes as well. You know, "just in case."
Well, "just in case" is quickly setting in. My biggest fear is sending out a million interviews to highly competitive sports marketing jobs, sitting on a desk ignored without an interview, and reluctantly accepting a job in another area of marketing (read: entry level sales) that I dread, but become deadlocked into for a career. I also fear, to a lesser extent, tainting one of the most influential and important interests I have. I've already noticed when I go to a sporting event or watch on TV that my perception has changed - I pay attention to the sponsors, think about the process of selling/maintaining those sponsorships, observe the management of the game or pre-game events. Sports has always been a separation from reality, something that I could always rely on to take my mind from the mundane. By making this my work, would I lose this magical connection? Would I go to a game and think only in terms of ROI, activation costs, branding, signage, mid-inning PA announcements and who this replay was "brought to you by" instead of enjoying the game, the pageantry, the athletes, and the competition? Perhaps the first option wouldn't be so bad, if I could always retreat back to sports to take me away to my real passion: being a fan.
I posed a hypothetical question to Greg - "What if I just up and decided to go to grad school?" - and poked around a little bit about different programs. It was an intriguing idea, but one I figured was being considered way too late in my college career. After all, I would have to study for and then subsequently take the GRE, get my personal statement together, fill out applications, wait, make a decision, and be ready to go for more years of school. Today in the library, however, I decided to sit down and actually do some legitimate research on the idea. The information was actually really helpful, and I've opened it up as a legitimate possibility. I'm actually not in any crunch for application deadlines for a few programs that looked enticing. I'm looking at a one year MS in Marketing Research program, and there are a couple backed by the Marketing Research Association. The two most intriguing as of now are Michigan State and Georgia. I want to find out more about Texas at Arlington and keep searching for a few more. Wisconsin had a very cool looking program named for A.C. Nielsen of the Nielsen Ratings, but it was an MBA with a Specialization in Marketing Research - they were looking for candidates with at least two years professional experience, it was a lot more expensive, and an MBA is not what I foresee myself pursuing.
Michigan State seems like the most viable option as of now. The program only accepts candidates starting with the Spring Semester, so after I graduate I would have about 9 months to work a part-time job/do an internship and still have plenty of time to take the GRE or GMAT and apply before Spring 2014. I would be able to stay in Michigan and get in-state tuition. It would finally push me to pick a side in the Wolverines/Spartans rivalry. At the end of the coursework, there is a paid internship to help break into the field with the corporate partners or Marketing Research Firms that MSU pairs with. It all seems like a well respected program, and more or less what I am looking for.
One time freshmen year, Greg brought me over to Ryan Newman's place right before Christmas Break for a little post-Thanksgiving leftover feast. I met one of Ryan's friends who had recently graduated and went to UGA for I believe Law. When he found out I was a marketing major, he wanted to talk to me about a new program they had recently started in Marketing Research. I tried to explain that I was actually going to be a Sports Marketing major, and I wasn't really interested in going to grad school for research. Ha ha. Ha. Well, here I am. Although it is a relatively new program, Georgia has partnered with Coca-Cola through their Business School given the proximity to the headquarters in Atlanta. How cool would it be to get a degree with a foot in the door to my favorite beverage company and their consumer research department? Obviously a lot would need to fall into place first. They actually start their one year program in the Summer, so I would have until mid-February to apply for June 2013 entry. That would leave me just enough time to move out of Clemson, stop home for a little bit, but really jump right back into schoolwork. It appears to be a highly competitive program (but what school is going to promote that they are easy to get into?), and it really would not leave me any room to at least test the waters of the job market. Also, continued out-of-state tuition...although they list it around $11,000/semester and under $1,000 per credit hour. I'm not too familiar with the going rates for grad school tuition, and there are always opportunities to combat those with fellowships, financial aid, grants, etc. It would be a quick turnaround, but it's not too late for me to start the process like I kind of figured it may be by October of my senior year.
I'll definitely have to look into it more. It is by no means a for sure decision. To some extent, I think I may just be delaying entering the job market with more schooling, which is not what I want to do. However, if I'm going to change my career path, this is a fairly seamless way to do it. Graduate from Clemson with a Marketing degree that could get me into a Market Research program, possibly attempt a sports marketing related internship in my gap time/year off, and see where I am from there. A lot is on the line, but I still have some time to play with some different possibilities for my future.
Perhaps it's natural to have cold feet about my path, and it's certainly not the first time I've considered a change or come up with some crazy scheme of what I could do with my life - switching majors to Psychology and interning/studying abroad in Germany during my senior year come to mind. In reality, I came to Clemson as a Management major (I had applied to schools thinking Business Administration in high school), without a real thorough idea of what I wanted to do. It became quickly clear to me that Management was not the way to go - I went through the Pre-Business class Business 101 searching for answers. It finally came on the last day of class: one speaker on the panel was talking to us about his career in Sports Marketing. I don't recall his name, his actual job title, or even who he worked with. I just remember being enthralled with the idea.
I have always loved sports, and here I was pursuing a business degree at a school that offered a business degree related to sports. As a freshmen, it was easy to fantasize about what could be - as a senior, it has become a lot less idealistic. In all actuality, my degree will be in Marketing, with a specialization in Sports Marketing. I could walk into my adviser's office tomorrow and change to Services Marketing, and it would not change my curriculum one bit. I've taken all the required classes for a general marketing degree plus Sports Marketing, and it's been up to me to choose the additional support courses. There are only four Marketing specializations, and Sports Marketing is overwhelmingly the most popular. A lot of people love sports, but how many jobs are realistically out there? How many others have the same vision I had, just within my own school, and what have I done to set myself apart from them? Obviously I've taken all the sports related marketing classes that are offered, but I've also tried to pursue a well-rounded array of marketing/business classes as well. You know, "just in case."
Well, "just in case" is quickly setting in. My biggest fear is sending out a million interviews to highly competitive sports marketing jobs, sitting on a desk ignored without an interview, and reluctantly accepting a job in another area of marketing (read: entry level sales) that I dread, but become deadlocked into for a career. I also fear, to a lesser extent, tainting one of the most influential and important interests I have. I've already noticed when I go to a sporting event or watch on TV that my perception has changed - I pay attention to the sponsors, think about the process of selling/maintaining those sponsorships, observe the management of the game or pre-game events. Sports has always been a separation from reality, something that I could always rely on to take my mind from the mundane. By making this my work, would I lose this magical connection? Would I go to a game and think only in terms of ROI, activation costs, branding, signage, mid-inning PA announcements and who this replay was "brought to you by" instead of enjoying the game, the pageantry, the athletes, and the competition? Perhaps the first option wouldn't be so bad, if I could always retreat back to sports to take me away to my real passion: being a fan.
I posed a hypothetical question to Greg - "What if I just up and decided to go to grad school?" - and poked around a little bit about different programs. It was an intriguing idea, but one I figured was being considered way too late in my college career. After all, I would have to study for and then subsequently take the GRE, get my personal statement together, fill out applications, wait, make a decision, and be ready to go for more years of school. Today in the library, however, I decided to sit down and actually do some legitimate research on the idea. The information was actually really helpful, and I've opened it up as a legitimate possibility. I'm actually not in any crunch for application deadlines for a few programs that looked enticing. I'm looking at a one year MS in Marketing Research program, and there are a couple backed by the Marketing Research Association. The two most intriguing as of now are Michigan State and Georgia. I want to find out more about Texas at Arlington and keep searching for a few more. Wisconsin had a very cool looking program named for A.C. Nielsen of the Nielsen Ratings, but it was an MBA with a Specialization in Marketing Research - they were looking for candidates with at least two years professional experience, it was a lot more expensive, and an MBA is not what I foresee myself pursuing.
Michigan State seems like the most viable option as of now. The program only accepts candidates starting with the Spring Semester, so after I graduate I would have about 9 months to work a part-time job/do an internship and still have plenty of time to take the GRE or GMAT and apply before Spring 2014. I would be able to stay in Michigan and get in-state tuition. It would finally push me to pick a side in the Wolverines/Spartans rivalry. At the end of the coursework, there is a paid internship to help break into the field with the corporate partners or Marketing Research Firms that MSU pairs with. It all seems like a well respected program, and more or less what I am looking for.
One time freshmen year, Greg brought me over to Ryan Newman's place right before Christmas Break for a little post-Thanksgiving leftover feast. I met one of Ryan's friends who had recently graduated and went to UGA for I believe Law. When he found out I was a marketing major, he wanted to talk to me about a new program they had recently started in Marketing Research. I tried to explain that I was actually going to be a Sports Marketing major, and I wasn't really interested in going to grad school for research. Ha ha. Ha. Well, here I am. Although it is a relatively new program, Georgia has partnered with Coca-Cola through their Business School given the proximity to the headquarters in Atlanta. How cool would it be to get a degree with a foot in the door to my favorite beverage company and their consumer research department? Obviously a lot would need to fall into place first. They actually start their one year program in the Summer, so I would have until mid-February to apply for June 2013 entry. That would leave me just enough time to move out of Clemson, stop home for a little bit, but really jump right back into schoolwork. It appears to be a highly competitive program (but what school is going to promote that they are easy to get into?), and it really would not leave me any room to at least test the waters of the job market. Also, continued out-of-state tuition...although they list it around $11,000/semester and under $1,000 per credit hour. I'm not too familiar with the going rates for grad school tuition, and there are always opportunities to combat those with fellowships, financial aid, grants, etc. It would be a quick turnaround, but it's not too late for me to start the process like I kind of figured it may be by October of my senior year.
I'll definitely have to look into it more. It is by no means a for sure decision. To some extent, I think I may just be delaying entering the job market with more schooling, which is not what I want to do. However, if I'm going to change my career path, this is a fairly seamless way to do it. Graduate from Clemson with a Marketing degree that could get me into a Market Research program, possibly attempt a sports marketing related internship in my gap time/year off, and see where I am from there. A lot is on the line, but I still have some time to play with some different possibilities for my future.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Getting Oriented
Last Wednesday I made my way back to Clemson to start working for Orientation for the next 6 weeks. It was great to see everyone who was back in town, hang out, and just laugh for a while. It's crazy to think that six months ago I didn't know any of these people, and now I'll be spending the summer with them, working long hot days, hanging out on off times, and struggling together through lack of sleep and energy. I like to think that I've got a good grasp on many people's personalities by now after seeing everyone interact both in and out of class last semester, but I really don't know that much about everyone's lives - it's weird to think that we all have different back stories and struggles/successes from our past that only a few of us are in on, yet we can all feel really close to each other in terms of knowing personality quirks and interests over such a short amount of time.
Thursday a lot of us all went to the Y Beach to just hang out. I got ridiculously sun burnt, but I still had a great time. Plus, if I'm going to burn, I'd rather burn early - hopefully it will give me some color and prevent future burns. The relaxing day was short lived, though, as Friday morning at 7 AM we officially started training - though I must say, it wasn't that taxing of a day. We had an hour for breakfast and bonding, spent the morning moving boxes and Orientation materials down from the NSFP Office in the Union, and then went to Lever to unload it all. It was nice to have everyone there to work with - it made the actual labor easier, and it seemed to make the time pass quicker as well. We could just talk and laugh through our tasks, which made it a lot more enjoyable. Once we finished with that, we had to wait on a delivery for all of the summer reading books, and boy did we wait on them. We went to lunch where a group of us took about an hour and a half - until the Schilletter staff basically kicked us out - just laughing, talking, and killing some time/watching SportsCenter reruns over and over. Having free time but knowing we would be called back to unload books, we decided to just go back to Lever Classroom and wait it out...for about three hours. And the books never came. I'm fairly certain we slowly went crazy as we cracked up over the littlest things in our delirious state, but it was a lot of fun regardless. The right people can really turn a sour situation into an enjoyable experience.
Saturday we had our first intense training session. It was a lot of sitting in the Senate Chambers listening, but it was nice to have a physical schedule, a sample outline of typical Orientation days, and more concrete instructions as to what we will be expected to do. I was definitely not craving so much structure as all the Js we have on staff, but it was still helpful. I'm really looking forward to the summer, and I'm glad that I was picked to be one of the representatives of the College of Business and Behavioral Science for help with advising. I think CBBS does one of the best jobs out of all of the Colleges at advising, and I remember being really well informed and comfortable going into my registration as a freshmen at Orientation. Now hopefully I can utilize some of my old man senior marketing knowledge to help future students out as well with this daunting monster we like to call class registration.
Training and Orientation will certainly keep me busy - at times during the day it seems like I don't have enough time to think. I'm spending a lot of my free time working on painting my poster for Freshmen sessions and working on the clipboard that we present to another staff member at the end of training. I tend to find myself on the fringe of friend circles a lot - going back to high school/junior high even - and I've noticed that is happening here as well. I don't mind at all, don't get me wrong. It seems like close friend groups form, and though I'm never a part of those close knit groups, I'm usually accepted into their activities and able to laugh along with them - it's a role I've always found myself comfortable with. I enjoy having some alone time to reflect and relax, so I never have to feel like I'm letting anyone down when I prefer to go to Fike on my own or make my way across campus to do some errands instead of hanging out with others. But at the same time I feel like I'm not a polarizing figure that often happens when people associate you with a certain clique - to my knowledge, there isn't anyone who has a problem with me, which makes it really easy to bounce around friend groups and hang out with all different types of people. I make an effort to eat with different groups of people every meal and not try to pigeonhole myself into one group of people. Even if I don't say that much or add a whole lot to the conversation, I enjoy sitting in on different groups and laughing along with them. I'm not always considered a part of their close knit group, but again I always feel welcomed and accepted to join them. As a part of all my crafty/painting activities, I've found myself over at Sophie's a lot as she and Sarah help me out with my lack of artistic abilities. As a point last night, Erin and Sarah were talking about one of their friends - I don't know who she is, can't even remember her name, and thus had little to add to the conversation. But I still laughed along with their jokes and stories, and when they apologized for gossiping, I just said that I was happy just laughing along with them and wouldn't judge - clearly I was not a part of this friend group, but I was perfectly content to just hang and laugh, even though I had no real contributions to make. This is just a quick little example, but I've found myself in similar situations a lot so far - I haven't had such close interactions with everybody, but little things like dinner/shopping with Miranda, Sophie and Neyle, hanging at the Y Beach with the KDs, Todaro's with Caleb and Aaron, Lever Classroom chilling with Sarah Grace, Erika and Hunter, breakfast with Tanner, Austin and Lydia - all of these interactions I'm just kind of encroaching on the fringe of other groups, but I like being able to broaden myself and interact with all these different people. That being said, my closest friend is fast becoming Sid here at Orientation, so many as cliques continue to develop and differentiate, I can box out my own little close friend group before the summer is out. But I still don't want to lose that ability to jump into other peoples' circles and plans without feeling like someone has a problem with me or it is unwarranted. Only time will tell now that we are all living together how the group dynamics will shake out, but I will say one thing - I sure am glad that there are more Ambassadors than people we had on our Italy Study Abroad. Because although I got along with everyone initially, as time wore on and two main groups formed, I felt a lot of pressure and anxiety to pick sides - splitting my time wasn't working, and eventually I was drawn towards the people I felt I had more similarities to, but I think it took me too long to make that call and I lost out because of it. At Orientation, even if there is a group that turns me off and makes me not want to hang out with them, I'm not anticipating such a great divide that it's either one camp or another - there will be enough people and different personalities that I can get along with multiple circles of friends, and there should be some overlap in terms of who hangs out that it won't seem like an "either/or" choice like Italy did.
The main takeaway, I think, is to be comfortable in initiating hanging out with others and not feel like I am bothering them by stepping in on what I envision to be a close group of friends does not want to accept me. I guess that has its roots in deeper issues - but discovering that I can run with many different people without feeling like I'm an unwarranted outsider is a big life skill that I've yet to completely develop, and I think I will need to very soon. That's a topic for a different day, I feel. Point being, since leaving dinner yesterday, I went to Fike on my own instead of making plans, said hello to some ambassadors I saw there but didn't hang with them, stayed in my room until I could Skype with Tess, and then found myself without any plans Saturday night. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being able to do my own thing on my own time at the gym, and the Skype date was long anticipated and much overdue - technology struggles aside, it was great to be able to see her for a little - but once I finished it was kind of like...now what? I ended up painting some more with Sarah and Erin, but now it's 1:00 on Sunday and I've gone to the store to pick up things and have been sitting here blogging without seeing any of the OAs and without a clue of what I'm going to do the rest of the day. With the lack of those reliable few friends I know I can always count on, I resort to doing things on my own - it was a personality trait I noticed hardcore freshmen year, and it's something I don't want to have happen all summer. I guess it's a double-edged sword of my personality - I am comfortable being on my own and like to be independent, so I don't have a problem doing things by myself. When I tend to do things on my own, I don't feel like I'm as involved in the close friendships I see others forming around me. And without close friends, I feel uncomfortable jumping in on things and waiting on others when I can just do things on my own by my own schedule. I'm almost too comfortable hanging out by myself and getting into things that I don't have to rely on other people for, and so I lead myself into this vicious cycle. I'm not sure of the root cause of all of this - whether it be fear of rejection, anticipation of awkwardness and therefore avoidance of it, lack of confidence, or simply just being comfortable on my own - but it's definitely something I want to make an effort to learn more about and possibly change over the summer. Finding some real close friends will certainly be apart of that. I guess I'm just weird about feeling like the people I consider to be my close friends would not consider me to be one of their close friends. Orientation will be a great time to sort through these things and continue to learn more about myself.
Thursday a lot of us all went to the Y Beach to just hang out. I got ridiculously sun burnt, but I still had a great time. Plus, if I'm going to burn, I'd rather burn early - hopefully it will give me some color and prevent future burns. The relaxing day was short lived, though, as Friday morning at 7 AM we officially started training - though I must say, it wasn't that taxing of a day. We had an hour for breakfast and bonding, spent the morning moving boxes and Orientation materials down from the NSFP Office in the Union, and then went to Lever to unload it all. It was nice to have everyone there to work with - it made the actual labor easier, and it seemed to make the time pass quicker as well. We could just talk and laugh through our tasks, which made it a lot more enjoyable. Once we finished with that, we had to wait on a delivery for all of the summer reading books, and boy did we wait on them. We went to lunch where a group of us took about an hour and a half - until the Schilletter staff basically kicked us out - just laughing, talking, and killing some time/watching SportsCenter reruns over and over. Having free time but knowing we would be called back to unload books, we decided to just go back to Lever Classroom and wait it out...for about three hours. And the books never came. I'm fairly certain we slowly went crazy as we cracked up over the littlest things in our delirious state, but it was a lot of fun regardless. The right people can really turn a sour situation into an enjoyable experience.
Saturday we had our first intense training session. It was a lot of sitting in the Senate Chambers listening, but it was nice to have a physical schedule, a sample outline of typical Orientation days, and more concrete instructions as to what we will be expected to do. I was definitely not craving so much structure as all the Js we have on staff, but it was still helpful. I'm really looking forward to the summer, and I'm glad that I was picked to be one of the representatives of the College of Business and Behavioral Science for help with advising. I think CBBS does one of the best jobs out of all of the Colleges at advising, and I remember being really well informed and comfortable going into my registration as a freshmen at Orientation. Now hopefully I can utilize some of my old man senior marketing knowledge to help future students out as well with this daunting monster we like to call class registration.
Training and Orientation will certainly keep me busy - at times during the day it seems like I don't have enough time to think. I'm spending a lot of my free time working on painting my poster for Freshmen sessions and working on the clipboard that we present to another staff member at the end of training. I tend to find myself on the fringe of friend circles a lot - going back to high school/junior high even - and I've noticed that is happening here as well. I don't mind at all, don't get me wrong. It seems like close friend groups form, and though I'm never a part of those close knit groups, I'm usually accepted into their activities and able to laugh along with them - it's a role I've always found myself comfortable with. I enjoy having some alone time to reflect and relax, so I never have to feel like I'm letting anyone down when I prefer to go to Fike on my own or make my way across campus to do some errands instead of hanging out with others. But at the same time I feel like I'm not a polarizing figure that often happens when people associate you with a certain clique - to my knowledge, there isn't anyone who has a problem with me, which makes it really easy to bounce around friend groups and hang out with all different types of people. I make an effort to eat with different groups of people every meal and not try to pigeonhole myself into one group of people. Even if I don't say that much or add a whole lot to the conversation, I enjoy sitting in on different groups and laughing along with them. I'm not always considered a part of their close knit group, but again I always feel welcomed and accepted to join them. As a part of all my crafty/painting activities, I've found myself over at Sophie's a lot as she and Sarah help me out with my lack of artistic abilities. As a point last night, Erin and Sarah were talking about one of their friends - I don't know who she is, can't even remember her name, and thus had little to add to the conversation. But I still laughed along with their jokes and stories, and when they apologized for gossiping, I just said that I was happy just laughing along with them and wouldn't judge - clearly I was not a part of this friend group, but I was perfectly content to just hang and laugh, even though I had no real contributions to make. This is just a quick little example, but I've found myself in similar situations a lot so far - I haven't had such close interactions with everybody, but little things like dinner/shopping with Miranda, Sophie and Neyle, hanging at the Y Beach with the KDs, Todaro's with Caleb and Aaron, Lever Classroom chilling with Sarah Grace, Erika and Hunter, breakfast with Tanner, Austin and Lydia - all of these interactions I'm just kind of encroaching on the fringe of other groups, but I like being able to broaden myself and interact with all these different people. That being said, my closest friend is fast becoming Sid here at Orientation, so many as cliques continue to develop and differentiate, I can box out my own little close friend group before the summer is out. But I still don't want to lose that ability to jump into other peoples' circles and plans without feeling like someone has a problem with me or it is unwarranted. Only time will tell now that we are all living together how the group dynamics will shake out, but I will say one thing - I sure am glad that there are more Ambassadors than people we had on our Italy Study Abroad. Because although I got along with everyone initially, as time wore on and two main groups formed, I felt a lot of pressure and anxiety to pick sides - splitting my time wasn't working, and eventually I was drawn towards the people I felt I had more similarities to, but I think it took me too long to make that call and I lost out because of it. At Orientation, even if there is a group that turns me off and makes me not want to hang out with them, I'm not anticipating such a great divide that it's either one camp or another - there will be enough people and different personalities that I can get along with multiple circles of friends, and there should be some overlap in terms of who hangs out that it won't seem like an "either/or" choice like Italy did.
The main takeaway, I think, is to be comfortable in initiating hanging out with others and not feel like I am bothering them by stepping in on what I envision to be a close group of friends does not want to accept me. I guess that has its roots in deeper issues - but discovering that I can run with many different people without feeling like I'm an unwarranted outsider is a big life skill that I've yet to completely develop, and I think I will need to very soon. That's a topic for a different day, I feel. Point being, since leaving dinner yesterday, I went to Fike on my own instead of making plans, said hello to some ambassadors I saw there but didn't hang with them, stayed in my room until I could Skype with Tess, and then found myself without any plans Saturday night. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being able to do my own thing on my own time at the gym, and the Skype date was long anticipated and much overdue - technology struggles aside, it was great to be able to see her for a little - but once I finished it was kind of like...now what? I ended up painting some more with Sarah and Erin, but now it's 1:00 on Sunday and I've gone to the store to pick up things and have been sitting here blogging without seeing any of the OAs and without a clue of what I'm going to do the rest of the day. With the lack of those reliable few friends I know I can always count on, I resort to doing things on my own - it was a personality trait I noticed hardcore freshmen year, and it's something I don't want to have happen all summer. I guess it's a double-edged sword of my personality - I am comfortable being on my own and like to be independent, so I don't have a problem doing things by myself. When I tend to do things on my own, I don't feel like I'm as involved in the close friendships I see others forming around me. And without close friends, I feel uncomfortable jumping in on things and waiting on others when I can just do things on my own by my own schedule. I'm almost too comfortable hanging out by myself and getting into things that I don't have to rely on other people for, and so I lead myself into this vicious cycle. I'm not sure of the root cause of all of this - whether it be fear of rejection, anticipation of awkwardness and therefore avoidance of it, lack of confidence, or simply just being comfortable on my own - but it's definitely something I want to make an effort to learn more about and possibly change over the summer. Finding some real close friends will certainly be apart of that. I guess I'm just weird about feeling like the people I consider to be my close friends would not consider me to be one of their close friends. Orientation will be a great time to sort through these things and continue to learn more about myself.
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