Wrap Up

Let's knock the dust off the old blog, eh? There were a few times during Orientation where I started to write some posts (let's be honest, only Saturdays and Sundays) but they were all abandoned when I found I was rambling and not coming to a specific point. As I've stated before, I don't want this to be an outlet for my day to day happenings and that was what most of those posts wounded up being about. But sadly Orientation is now over, and I'd like to spend a bit of time truly reflecting on what a fantastic experience it was.

I don't want to speak in cliches and give the typical ambassador answer of "this was/will be the best summer of my/your life" because honestly it's a really tough comparison with studying abroad last year. They are two completely separate entities - I love Clemson to death, but being able to prance around Italy and live in a city last summer? That was pretty freaking cool. In terms of people, however, this summer blows last summer out of the water. I came out of Italy with a one fairly close friend, a few more people to say hey to on campus, and a few as well that I dread having to see to be completely honest - which is awkward cause we were nearly all Marketing majors and I have had/will have to still see them in classes. Granted Orientation saw it's fair share of drama (never a dull day at Orientation 2012!) and tempers boiled over at times, but there is no one I dislike coming out of the summer and to my knowledge nobody who has any issues with me individually. (If you do, step up and say something! :P Haha) There are OAs that I never really got to bond with and just know in passing, but there are no hard feelings at all. I've also made a lot of close friends that will (hopefully!) last beyond Orientation. What's even greater is that these are friends that I probably would have never run into without this experience, and even if I had I may not have given them a second thought or ever even spoke to them. Crazy to think about how our choices can send our lives spiraling in wild different paths.

Whereas the OAs were not nearly as cliquey as Italy, it was still kinda cliquey. I'm not going to lie, there were a  few times where I felt like I really did not belong, like there was no one I could turn to, that I did not fit into the other friend groups. Rooming with Sid really helped with this - I consider Sid to be my best friend from Orientation, and I am really glad he was my Lever roommate. We shared many laughs, ridiculously outlandish discussions, and bounced our sarcasm off each other. Sid really hates groups, so whenever I was frustrated with the cliquey feel to everything, it was nice to be able to just hang with Sid and do our own thing. As I've written about before, I tend to bounce around from friend circle to friend circle without ever fully being engulfed in one. While this wasn't a huge issue of exclusivity, I could pick out a couple different divisions among the OA team - clique is a strong word to use for this situation, it was more just who tended to spend free time with one another. By the end of the summer, I found myself hanging more and more with the sorority girls - who would have thought, me of all people?! I have this uncanny habit in college, I've found, of hanging out with a group of girls I don't really fit in with and making great friendships out of it - I can count four other instances through my college experience where that seems to hold true. But I am glad to have broadened my horizons and to have had a great time with some awesome people - special shout outs to Sarah, Adair, Erika, Lindsey and Sophie on that note! You are all amazing individuals and I am glad to have gotten to hang out and know you better this summer! I also have to give a big shout out to one of the presenters at SROW from the University of Tennessee - unfortunately, I do not remember his name. He was an introvert, however, and in a presentation on the topic he gave a great piece of advice for an introvert to "survive" the summer of Orientation. Embrace who you are, but do not let the stereotypes define you - for a team to work best, the extroverts need to take hold of some of the best qualities of introverts and the introverts need to learn to step into more of an extroverted role. I definitely embraced this right away in terms of working Orientation, but when I applied it to bonding with the OA staff as well, it did wonders for me. I wish I could thank the giver of this advice, but for now I'll suffice it to hum Rocky Top to myself and track down Wes in the fall and maybe have him pass it along, after doing an internship with the Tennessee Orientation Leaders.

I must admit, small groups was probably the biggest challenge I thought I would face this summer when working with students. When I went through Orientation and Convocation, the two things I disliked the most were the ice breaker games and the pointless small talk. As an Ambassador, I would now be the one forcing the incoming students to participate in those exact things. With the helpful advice of our Team Leaders, especially Caleb, I thankfully was prepared for small groups well during training. Without Caleb's advice, I don't know how I would have reacted to my initial meeting of my first small group on Day 1 of Orientation way back when. Literally the most blank and awkward faces you could imagine on 18 people at the same time - that's when the damnedest thing happened...after playing an ice breaker, they actually brightened up and became talkative! Crazy those things actually work, although ironically not for someone like me - at my Orientation, I don't think I said two words during small group time outside of the typical "Name, Hometown, Major, Fun Fact" formula. Well I wish I would have been able to lend more general wise words from an old Senior, I quickly learned after that first small group that people really do not want to hear you talk at them - especially after sitting in Brooks Center and being bored to death by the introductions that always put us behind schedule session after session. I knew going in that I was not going to be an in your face extroverted ambassador who tried to pump small group pride artificially - hell, I didn't even have a cheer until Session 3 and depending on my group's interactiveness in the morning, I sometimes didn't even mention it. But I did step out of my comfort zone to try to lead the new students along in discussions when no one wanted to talk, tried to make connections when I could with people rather than just letting everyone go around in a circle so they could introduce themselves and then forget everything anyone else said. I'm not saying this was the best way to do things, because that's absurd to think that there is a right and a wrong way to do things when dealing with so many different personalities. I'm just glad that I was able to stay true to myself and still come up with a system that worked for a scenario I definitely would not have been able to handle my freshmen year, all with minimal adjustments being made since Day 1.

 And speaking of Day 1, as much as everyone tended to complain about it - and yes it was exhausting standing around after not getting much sleep, especially as the weekend loomed just a few hours ahead - I feel like I really came into my own and excelled on Day 2 of our Orientation Sessions. They get a bad rap among the OAs because as the students, parents and guests go into their different interest sessions and academic advising, we are standing on our feet in the same spot and answering the same questions on about 6 hours sleep if we were lucky, from 7:30 to around 2 without lunch. Yeah, it was sometimes tough keeping alert on Day 2, and I'll be the first to admit I would succumb to short breaks of wandering over to a friend to have a quick chat and laugh before returning to my post, but there was never more of a true customer service feel than being able to help people out on that dreaded second day. Whether it was as simply as pointing a confused Engineer towards P&A for the 10th time that morning, clearing up a scheduling question for a parent, or running around the chaotic registration room and easing the troubled mind of a stressed out student or being able to return from your pleading to the masters of the registrar and inform them that yes, you were an awesome person and yes, you did get them into that class that was closed and hearing the thanks that were associated with all those scenarios truly made it all worth it. The ability to help people like that is why I wanted to become an Ambassador in the first place, the positives I hope to one day (soon! Eek!) take from a position in marketing. Maybe I have a future in customer service - taking angry/confused guests and giving them the right information was something I found I really had a knack for. And I don't consider myself an expert at crowd control, but I gained a reputation among our pro staff and especially with the staff at Tiger 1 for being able to manage the lines in the bookstore when ID Card pickup rolled around. One of the most rewarding moments I've had all summer was during class registration, where Sid and I spent the better part of an hour helping this poor little double Math-Econ major, abandoned by the CES advisor, build a class schedule and hearing her gratitude when we had finally done it, with enough hours, having all pre-requisites covered, paced for an on-time graduation, with a pretty awesome schedule time-wise to boot! All in all, this position has given me a lot of great experiences, across the people I have met, the friends I have made, and the skills I have developed/discovered. This has truly been one of the best things I have done in college, and I know there are still plenty of benefits to pay off from it in the future. For now it's time to look forward to living it up my senior year, continuing the friendships I have forged over this summer, and making sure I leave Clemson with no regrets.

Getting Oriented

Last Wednesday I made my way back to Clemson to start working for Orientation for the next 6 weeks. It was great to see everyone who was back in town, hang out, and just laugh for a while. It's crazy to think that six months ago I didn't know any of these people, and now I'll be spending the summer with them, working long hot days, hanging out on off times, and struggling together through lack of sleep and energy. I like to think that I've got a good grasp on many people's personalities by now after seeing everyone interact both in and out of class last semester, but I really don't know that much about everyone's lives - it's weird to think that we all have different back stories and struggles/successes from our past that only a few of us are in on, yet we can all feel really close to each other in terms of knowing personality quirks and interests over such a short amount of time.

Thursday a lot of us all went to the Y Beach to just hang out. I got ridiculously sun burnt, but I still had a great time. Plus, if I'm going to burn, I'd rather burn early - hopefully it will give me some color and prevent future burns. The relaxing day was short lived, though, as Friday morning at 7 AM we officially started training - though I must say, it wasn't that taxing of a day. We had an hour for breakfast and bonding, spent the morning moving boxes and Orientation materials down from the NSFP Office in the Union, and then went to Lever to unload it all. It was nice to have everyone there to work with - it made the actual labor easier, and it seemed to make the time pass quicker as well. We could just talk and laugh through our tasks, which made it a lot more enjoyable. Once we finished with that, we had to wait on a delivery for all of the summer reading books, and boy did we wait on them. We went to lunch where a group of us took about an hour and a half - until the Schilletter staff basically kicked us out - just laughing, talking, and killing some time/watching SportsCenter reruns over and over. Having free time but knowing we would be called back to unload books, we decided to just go back to Lever Classroom and wait it out...for about three hours. And the books never came. I'm fairly certain we slowly went crazy as we cracked up over the littlest things in our delirious state, but it was a lot of fun regardless. The right people can really turn a sour situation into an enjoyable experience.

Saturday we had our first intense training session. It was a lot of sitting in the Senate Chambers listening, but it was nice to have a physical schedule, a sample outline of typical Orientation days, and more concrete instructions as to what we will be expected to do. I was definitely not craving so much structure as all the Js we have on staff, but it was still helpful. I'm really looking forward to the summer, and I'm glad that I was picked to be one of the representatives of the College of Business and Behavioral Science for help with advising. I think CBBS does one of the best jobs out of all of the Colleges at advising, and I remember being really well informed and comfortable going into my registration as a freshmen at Orientation. Now hopefully I can utilize some of my old man senior marketing knowledge to help future students out as well with this daunting monster we like to call class registration.

Training and Orientation will certainly keep me busy - at times during the day it seems like I don't have enough time to think. I'm spending a lot of my free time working on painting my poster for Freshmen sessions and working on the clipboard that we present to another staff member at the end of training. I tend to find myself on the fringe of friend circles a lot - going back to high school/junior high even - and I've noticed that is happening here as well. I don't mind at all, don't get me wrong. It seems like close friend groups form, and though I'm never a part of those close knit groups, I'm usually accepted into their activities and able to laugh along with them - it's a role I've always found myself comfortable with. I enjoy having some alone time to reflect and relax, so I never have to feel like I'm letting anyone down when I prefer to go to Fike on my own or make my way across campus to do some errands instead of hanging out with others. But at the same time I feel like I'm not a polarizing figure that often happens when people associate you with a certain clique - to my knowledge, there isn't anyone who has a problem with me, which makes it really easy to bounce around friend groups and hang out with all different types of people. I make an effort to eat with different groups of people every meal and not try to pigeonhole myself into one group of people. Even if I don't say that much or add a whole lot to the conversation, I enjoy sitting in on different groups and laughing along with them. I'm not always considered a part of their close knit group, but again I always feel welcomed and accepted to join them. As a part of all my crafty/painting activities, I've found myself over at Sophie's a lot as she and Sarah help me out with my lack of artistic abilities. As a point last night, Erin and Sarah were talking about one of their friends - I don't know who she is, can't even remember her name, and thus had little to add to the conversation. But I still laughed along with their jokes and stories, and when they apologized for gossiping, I just said that I was happy just laughing along with them and wouldn't judge - clearly I was not a part of this friend group, but I was perfectly content to just hang and laugh, even though I had no real contributions to make. This is just a quick little example, but I've found myself in similar situations a lot so far - I haven't had such close interactions with everybody, but little things like dinner/shopping with Miranda, Sophie and Neyle, hanging at the Y Beach with the KDs, Todaro's with Caleb and Aaron, Lever Classroom chilling with Sarah Grace, Erika and Hunter, breakfast with Tanner, Austin and Lydia - all of these interactions I'm just kind of encroaching on the fringe of other groups, but I like being able to broaden myself  and interact with all these different people. That being said, my closest friend is fast becoming Sid here at Orientation, so many as cliques continue to develop and differentiate, I can box out my own little close friend group before the summer is out. But I still don't want to lose that ability to jump into other peoples' circles and plans without feeling like someone has a problem with me or it is unwarranted. Only time will tell now that we are all living together how the group dynamics will shake out, but I will say one thing - I sure am glad that there are more Ambassadors than people we had on our Italy Study Abroad. Because although I got along with everyone initially, as time wore on and two main groups formed, I felt a lot of pressure and anxiety to pick sides - splitting my time wasn't working, and eventually I was drawn towards the people I felt I had more similarities to, but I think it took me too long to make that call and I lost out because of it. At Orientation, even if there is a group that turns me off and makes me not want to hang out with them, I'm not anticipating such a great divide that it's either one camp or another - there will be enough people and different personalities that I can get along with multiple circles of friends, and there should be some overlap in terms of who hangs out that it won't seem like an "either/or" choice like Italy did.

The main takeaway, I think, is to be comfortable in initiating hanging out with others and not feel like I am bothering them by stepping in on what I envision to be a close group of friends does not want to accept me. I guess that has its roots in deeper issues - but discovering that I can run with many different people without feeling like I'm an unwarranted outsider is a big life skill that I've yet to completely develop, and I think I will need to very soon. That's a topic for a different day, I feel. Point being, since leaving dinner yesterday, I went to Fike on my own instead of making plans, said hello to some ambassadors I saw there but didn't hang with them, stayed in my room until I could Skype with Tess, and then found myself without any plans Saturday night. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being able to do my own thing on my own time at the gym, and the Skype date was long anticipated and much overdue - technology struggles aside, it was great to be able to see her for a little - but once I finished it was kind of like...now what? I ended up painting some more with Sarah and Erin, but now it's 1:00 on Sunday and I've gone to the store to pick up things and have been sitting here blogging without seeing any of the OAs and without a clue of what I'm going to do the rest of the day. With the lack of those reliable few friends I know I can always count on, I resort to doing things on my own - it was a personality trait I noticed hardcore freshmen year, and it's something I don't want to have happen all summer. I guess it's a double-edged sword of my personality - I am comfortable being on my own and like to be independent, so I don't have a problem doing things by myself. When I tend to do things on my own, I don't feel like I'm as involved in the close friendships I see others forming around me. And without close friends, I feel uncomfortable jumping in on things and waiting on others when I can just do things on my own by my own schedule. I'm almost too comfortable hanging out by myself and getting into things that I don't have to rely on other people for, and so I lead myself into this vicious cycle. I'm not sure of the root cause of all of this - whether it be fear of rejection, anticipation of awkwardness and therefore avoidance of it, lack of confidence, or simply just being comfortable on my own - but it's definitely something I want to make an effort to learn more about and possibly change over the summer. Finding some real close friends will certainly be apart of that. I guess I'm just weird about feeling like the people I consider to be my close friends would not consider me to be one of their close friends. Orientation will be a great time to sort through these things and continue to learn more about myself.